The Trevino 3? A little blathering by Wendy...

Lilly was 2 1/2 when we turned in our paperwork to adopt again. At the time, Elliott and I said to each other that if she turned 5 and nothing had happened that we would take it as God's answer for us to remain a family of 3.

Well, that time is coming up quickly! I've gone back and forth in the past couple of years between really wanting another child and being perfectly content with having just one. For me, it has boiled down to a huge area of trust with God. Living in the "in-between" is hard. When I'm feeling fine with having just one then I worry, "What if we do get chosen again? Does the fact that I'm not sure mean that we shouldn't have another? How fair is it to others to adopt if I'm going back and forth?" And then I'll see a baby somewhere and I think, "Oooo. Baby. It all went by so quickly. I'm not ready to be done." But then, Lilly has a big fit and I think, "Oh my gosh! Do I really want the sleep deprivation and the teething and the potty training and the tantrums all over again?? I'm 37 now and tired just thinking about it." Are you dizzy yet? Welcome to my head.

In the end, it's good that the decision is not really up to us. It is up to God. If he wants to add to our family he will give us what we need to parent 2 and not totally lose our minds. If he knows that Lilly is the one and only for us and that we're to be a family of 3, then I trust that he knows best. I just keep praying that he will align my feelings with his plan.

Meanwhile, March 26 is like a ticking time bomb on the calendar. I think I will be glad to be out of the unknown, whichever way it goes.

Sledding

Elliott had 2 weeks off around Christmas and New Year's. It was great! We so enjoyed hanging out together at a relaxed pace and doing some fun family things.

One of the fun things we did was go sledding up in Tahoe. Lilly had a great time, as the pictures to follow show...

That girl is definitely a thrill seeker and more brave than her mama! That might have something to do with the fact that SHE has never flown off an inntertube across a road and landed head first into a snow bank. May it always stay that way! Suffice to say, Lilly loves the snow and next year we plan to take her skiing for the first time.

Banjo and Books

Toward the end of November we got a cat. We weren't planning on getting one until after we go to Disneyland in June, but one fated day we wandered into PetSmart. Lo and behold they were doing kitty adoptions (lets just pass over the whole adopting a pet vs. adopting a child discussion). Going in to the store I said something to Elliott along the lines of, "Don't even think about it." Well... it turns out that he should have been the one warning me. I fell in love with a sweet 4 month old orange tabby named Banjo. He was so docile and snuggly and just as sweet as can be. It didn't take much to convince Elliott and Lilly that we should take Banjo home.

Banjo was indeed a sweet and cuddly cat, just as he'd seemed. He'd crawl up in our laps any chance he got, including at story time before Lilly went to bed. Lilly LOVED him.

Sadly, about a month after we brought Banjo home we realized that he was sick. Upon taking him to the vet he was diagnosed with Feline Infectious Peritonitis, a fatal cat sickness. He was suffering so we decided to have him put to sleep the next day. Lilly went with me and we kissed and pet Banjo as he peacefully passed away. We brought his body home and Elliott buried him in the backyard. Explaining death to Lilly was much more challenging than we'd thought, but she'll continue to understand more as time goes by. For now, she's counting the days until we can get another cat... or some fish... or a turtle.

Halloween... a little late

Obviously I've been a little flaky on the blogging. Today though, I intend to make up for it. If not in writing substance, in pictures anyway. I finally took pictures from before Halloween off the camera. Scary how those can pile up.

So... for our first stop: Pumpkin Carving.

This was the first time we carved pumpkins with Lilly and she was looking forward to it for weeks prior to Halloween. She didn't care too much for the squishy pumpkin guts but sure loved the finished product, AND the roasted pumpkin seeds.

Costa Rica - the recap

One afternoon in mid July Elliott called me from work to ask if I might be interested in going to Costa Rica. Come again???? His employer contracted with another software development company in Costa Rica and they needed someone to go and get the Costa Rican group "up to speed" on their product. They asked Elliott to be the someone and the trip was for 3 weeks. Not wanting to leave his family behind for that long (thanks honey!) he was told that Lilly and I could join him (paying for our own airfare of course). Oh, and we needed to leave in 2 weeks.

A little bit of scrambling ensued as we prepared to leave the country so quickly and for that long. Did you know you can get a passport the same day if you have to? Did you also know that I set a world record for number of trips to WalMart and Target in a 2-week period? Well, I think I did anyway.

So, off to Costa Rica we went for an amazing adventure! I won't begin to try and recount the whole trip here but I did put 30-some pictures up on Flickr. I had to choose from over 700 pictures, so 30-something is quite a feat.

During the week Elliott worked and Lilly and I played. We spent lots of time in the pools at the hotel, wandering around, checking out the mall/shops/restaurants across the road from the hotel and seeing local sights. In the evening when Elliott got "home" we would all head out to dinner. Sometimes at a place within walking distance, sometimes at the hotel and sometimes on a driving adventure. (Side note: Elliott was so brave and drove like a local pro. The driving and the drivers there are CRAZY!!!!!!!!)

On the weekends we took the opportunity to really explore the country. We saw waterfalls, exotic birds, monkeys, crocodiles, took a jungle river boat tour, explored one of the volcanoes, zip-lined in the rainforest, rode horses and went to the most beautiful beach we have ever seen.

What great memories we made! Elliott and I want to go back in 5 years, but for the relaxing beach vacation version. Anyone want to stay with a 9-year-old Lilly???

First day of school

We got back from our 3 week trip to Costa Rica (a post to come, I promise) in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Then on Monday Lilly started preschool. Yeah, we like to just jam everything together like that. Or not.

Anyway, she had the weekend to rest up and she was so excited to get to finally go to school! Backpack, check. Lunchbox, check. Tissues for mommy, check.

She is going to a 4-year-old kindergarden class at a local Christian school, but it's the equivalent of preschool. All of the school kids met in the gym to begin with prayer and were then dismissed by class. I stood back and watched as Lilly sat with her new little peers. When her class was dismissed I gave her a kiss and watched them file out of the gym. And then I cried.

All I could think of was how I had spent the last 4 1/2 years with her at almost every moment. Except for very short periods, I shared in what she was doing all of the time. I knew every moment of her day. And now as she disappeared from my sight, a new and foreign way of living began. She would spend 4 hours, 3 times a week living experiences that I was oblivious to. Granted, I knew the gist of her schedule and was welcome to talk to her teacher or even visit her classroom any time I wanted, but it wasn't the same. I panicked when I realized that I would ask her each day how her day was and would only get a 4-year-old's response. Not enough! I wanted a minute-by-minute account of her day!

I cried more as I realized that this was just the first tiny step of letting go as a parent and then I cried again as I thought about how quickly I'd be taking her to college. To be fair, I was also hormonal.

Not that is even in the same league, but I couldn't help wondering if my feeling of separation pain was a fraction of what it's like for a birth-parent to release their child to an adoptive-parent. For the first time, I FELT the panic of having been so close to my child and forcing myself to allow her some experiences without me.

I knew Lilly would have a great day but still cried as I went to the bank and I might have gotten a little misty-eyed in the grocery store. On one hand it was great to grocery shop without interruption, on the other I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Unloading the groceries in peace at home was, however, blissful. I ate my lunch, called a friend and then it was time to go get Lilly.

From what I can decipher, she had a great day. She told me all about Curious George finding bananas and that a boy hit her on the playground. She cried when that happened but then she got better. I *may* have called her teacher later when she was resting to hear that she did fine on her first day. Can you say "first-time parent?" I was not surprised to hear that Lilly wanted to keep playing when it was time to change activities, but that is part of why preschool will be so good for her.

So, we made it through the first day of Lilly's school career. I baked brownies while she was gone to have as a special "first-day-of-school-this-is-so-exciting special treat." Truth be told, I'm not sure if they were more for her or for me, but I figured we both deserved it!

Big Trees

A few weekends ago we had the chance to go with friends to their family cabin in Arnold, CA. What a great relaxing weekend getaway! While there we drove 15 minutes away to visit Big Trees and were awed by how, well, BIG they were. I put some of the pictures up under the Flickr tab to the right. Lilly loved exploring them but the 1.7 mile walk was a little much for her. Poor daddy's shoulders!